Basic Information : Synopsis : Characters : Expectations : Thoughts : Evaluation : Book Group : New Words : Book References : Good Quotes : Table of Contents : References
Basic Information:
Author:
Caitlin Doughty
Edition:
epub on Libby from the Los Angeles Public Library
Publisher:
W. W. Norton Company
ISBN:
0393351904 (ISBN13: 9780393351903)
Start
Date: March 30, 2020
Read
Date: April 8, 2020
254
pages
Genre:
Biography, Essay, Personal Growth
Language
Warning: Low
Rated
Overall: 4 out of 5
History:
2 out of 5
Religion:
None
Religious
Quality: 2 out of 5
Christianity-Teaching
Quality: 1 out of 5
Synopsis (Caution: Spoiler Alert-Jump to Thoughts):
Caitlin
Doughty goes through her life experiences, mostly concentrating on
when she started as a cremator in Oakland, CA. This extends to when
she graduated from mortuary school and became a professional funeral
director. The book is a combination of experiences mixed in with her
thoughts on how bodies should be treated after death. She concludes
with an essay on preparations you make for your body after death.
Cast of Characters:
Caitlin
Doughty-author and central figure in book
Michael
Tom-funeral director
Chris
Reynolds-Body retriever
Bruce
WIlliams-Embalmer
Jason
Bruce-another funeral worker
Luke-imaginary
lover
Expectations:
- Recommendation: Peter J
- When: March 6, 2020
- Date Became Aware of Book: March 6, 2020
- How come do I want to read this book: Peter recommended it because of another book I read, The Art of Dying Well.
- What do I think I will get out of it? Hopefully more perspective on dying.
Thoughts:
It
looks like Caitlin Doughty has started up several web sites. Which
makes you wonder about how she is really processing death and her
organization skills.
Author’s
Note
Introduction
to death.
According
to Doughty, death drives
every
creative and destructive impulse
that we as humans have. She then goes on and says that until we
understand death [maybe our reaction to death?] we will not
understand ourselves. I take this as being the reason for the book
and what she wants us to get out of it.
Shaving
Byron
She
talks about her first day being the technician who operates the
cremation machine. Her first task is to shave a man so that his
relatives can have one last viewing of him.
She
talks about Byron. At first with disgust. Then she elevates him to
being a magical creature. I think even in death, the way we are
described is a little lower than angels and loved by God.
Puppy
Surprise
Is
death glamourous? No. She finds this out with Padma where Padma had
been badly disfigured by a disease. Repulsive. This was just a more
extreme example what death and the lead up to death entailed.
The
deterteration of people as they die makes us feel like they must be
in pain. But that is not necessarily so.
The
Thud
Doughty
tells the story of a fish they had bought. It dies. The mother tries
to break it in gently. But both Doughty and her father is in on it
and have replaced the fish. The mom is startled when the fish moves.
Doughty’s comment is that the
sole purpose of its short fish life is to give my mother a heart
attack.
She
witnessed a young child fall 30’ off of an escalator in a mall and
die. This brought the realization that Doughty would die. Then If
others possess this knowledge, I wondered, how could they possibly
live with it?
Doughty goes from humor in death to a really pungent thought. It does
not seem abrupt in her writing. But how do you live that you may die
at any moment? I think if it is constant in your thoughts, then you
would go crazy. But you do need that thought to help you understand
your place in this world and to cause you to think about deeper
things. Like why are you here? Is there a God? What happens to me
afterwards? With the COVID-19 that all has become a very real
possibility. I wonder how others are coping? Do they ignore death? Do
they seek a deeper spirituality? Do they fall into despair?
Cognitive-behavioral
therapy: a type of psychotherapy in which negative patterns of
thought about the self and the world are challenged in order to alter
unwanted behavior patterns or treat mood disorders such as
depression.
Doughty
goes back and wonders if her ideas of death would be different if she
was introduced to death as she was developing rather than suddenly
thrust into that world. In some way, she saw that working at a
mortuary was to help fix her perspectives on death.
Toothpicks
in Jell-O
Doughty
traces how death has become much more anapestic. A hundred years
ago, most deaths happened at home. Now they happen in facilities
either hospitals or places which are used by older people. Death has
become more hygienic and much more controlled by others besides those
who are close to the dying.
From
Doughty’s perspective, how the medical establishment feels is that
when someone dies, it is a failure on their part. But there is a
feeling the family and friends should not be upset by the process.
You sort of see this during the current crisis. There is high stress
as large numbers of people are doing. 80% of the people who have to
be assisted breathing die. And the medical staff look determined to
fight, but also look like they know they are fighting a losing
battle. Nothing about this is saying they should give up. Just there
has to be another way to look at this than everybody can be saved.
Push
the Button
If
a family opts to attend the cremation, they are offered the
opportunity to start the cremators. But this chapter is really about
suicide.
She
describes that a young man stepped in front of a BART train and got
himself killed. She supported his decision to kill himself, if he
wanted to. But not how it affected others-such as the train operator,
the spectators and the others. She says that it seems fair to do it
in a way which does the least harm to others. She also notes that the
average train operator will kill three people over their career.
Our
brains as humans have developed over the millennials to understand
our own mortality. So what do we do with that?
Doughty
points out that our ability to mourn connects us to something greater
than ourselves.
Given
Doughty’s own view of after death, it is not a surprise that she
views suicide as a viable way out of life.
Pink
Cocktail
The
ceremonies of death are going through, from some remote tribes which
would eat their dead to our more modern ways of disposing of remains.
She
talks about anthropologist Clifford Geertz calls webs
of significance.
If I understand the term(from Wikipedia), it means that actions of a
culture have larger significance than the act. The Wari’people live
in the jungles of Brazil. When one of their tribe members dies, they
feel the tribe has been violated. A visual is that each family will
pull a rafter beam from their roof, causing the roof to sag-a
symbolic reminder of the rift the death has caused. Then the body is
cut into pieces and roasted, and then eaten by the like-blood of the
person (in-law’s, friends, … This was because they were aghast
to have a body in the ground. It was a comfort to have the body
completely disappeared from the community. Wikipedia
has a different version of this where only a little bit of the body
is eaten.
Every
culture has death rituals with the power to shock the uninitiated and
challenge our personal web of significance.
We embalm the dead, but it is not a religious or spiritual
significant action. According to Doughty it just brings another $900
charge to the bill.
Demon
Babies
It
seems like Doughty is very unsure of herself. Anytime she is told to
do something she has not done before, she wants very explicit
instruction. In her terms, she does not want to mess up. This is in
contrast with wanting to do the job right.
Direct
Disposal
There
is a short couple of paragraphs where Doughty talks about the
leanness of concern in the online community. Her mother, Doughty
thinks, would say they can order Chinese takeout online, so why not
an online cremation? Doughty also thinks that there probably would
not be any Facebook friends who would give physical comfort to a
dying person.
In
The
American Way of Death
by Jessica Mitford, Doughty finds that the author is trying to get a
better price for funerals. Doughty thinks the real issue is death
itself. Death is taken away from us and hidden. We no longer have
pause to consider our own death.
Unnatural
Natural
Doughty
points out that in the effort to make people appear more natural,
they need to use a lot of unnatural activities, such as embalming.
Also the term lifelike
has fallen out of favor-too scary to see a corpse being lifelike. Now
they use the term natural.
When
a “plump” older woman was cremated, pools of fat did not burn,
but melted onto the floor. Doughty recognizes that what a mortuary
does is take away the death process from people. She states that
Death
should be known.
Working
in a mortuary made Doughty understand there are some emotions she had
not tapped into nor did she know she was capable of.
What
we do in the United States to hide death, if known, has the power to
change people’s ideas of what they want done with a body. Doughty
feels rather than denying what happens, we should be embracing it.
Alas,
Poor Yorick
Talks
about what happens to you when you donate your body to science.
When
you donate your body to science, it is done in a very general way.
You do not get to choose where it ends up or how it will be used
Premation-sort
of an inside joke, a play on the word cremation, not really a word.
Someone had to have their leg amputated and sent it in to be
cremated.
Doughty
notes that cremation is not necessarily a “pure” thing. As the
machine gets used more and more, a little bit of the machine gets
embedded into the remains. Also not all of the remains get swept into
the urn. Some of it is left behind. What Doughty does not say is that
by inference, some of the remains you get in the urn may be of
someone else.
Eros
and Thanatos
Bubblatin
She
notes that these days you will never see a body decay as we are very
intent on letting the “professionals” take care of the body
rather than us.
Doughty
holds up Edward Abbey as an example of rebelling against the way
funerals and burials are held. Roughly, some friends stole his body,
went out into the desert and buried him. See Wikipedia
And
then are the churches. Such as the Missions, you had people buried
inside of the mission, especially the important ones. Other churches
such as in England or New England you see this as well.
The
nine steps to Buddhist mortification of lust and desire are talked
about:
- Distension
- Rupture
- Exudation of blood
- Putrefaction
- Discoloration and desiccation
- Consumption by animals and birds
- Dismemberment
- Bones
- Parched to dust
She
notes that there
is nothing like consistent exposure to dead bodies to remove the
trepidation attached to dead bodies.
Sort of like the therapy given to overcome fright of anything. She
goes on that we as a society need to be in contact with bodies which
are decomposing. She says that we live in a
culture of death denial.
Interesting phrase. Particularly now with the Covid-19 virus killing
off people all o\ver the world, including the United States.
Ghusl
Corpses
keep the living tethered to reality.
She
reports that in Muslim tradition, Ghusl is an honor. The person(s)
selected to do this is selected by the dying person themselves. They
wash and shroud the person.
Doughty’s
view is that once you are dead, that is it. No after-life. You are
done. But she really does not elaborate on this. This would be
unusual for a person who views you need to view life through death.
What does this say about life? Why live it? Why not just get it over
quickly and painlessly. Even pleasure would not matter.
Solo
Witness
The
Redwoods
Doughty
takes steps toward suicide. But decides not to.
Each
vocation is a calling. Doughty notes she felt a calling to be in the
death practice. Even though she was a person who did not believe in
religious practices, she felt it anyway. Having
a purpose was nothing short of exhilarating.
There is a lot to unpack in this. First, who was doing the calling
of her to work as a death practitioner? She does not say that. She
does not even talk about why she felt called, even though this book
is a wander down that path. She may just mean a general inclination,
like a vocational counseling directing a student onto a path, which
makes her use of the word calling
pretty imprecise. Then there is a purpose part of the section. I
agree, having a purpose leads one to being able to work through
things. It is when you exhibit nothing calling or purpose-one leads
to the other, does that lead to depression and anger.
This
sense of exhilaration needs to be shared. When her love interest
rejects her, she no longer feels a desire to live. This she
describes as a kind of death. A friendship crumbles to dust.
Heartbreaking.
Her
internal narrative is depressing. She now knows that she belongs to
death. Her friend was the way out for her. I wonder if she ever heard
how Paul described death being conquered. There is another way for
this. Paul says:
“Death
has been swallowed up in victory.”
“Where,
O death, is your victory?
Where,
O death, is your sting?”
I
prefer the triumphant description Paul talks about than the Go
silently into the night
thinking which Doughty describes.
After
the disaster with her former friend and lost love, she goes up to the
Redwood State/National Park. She tries to find the Cathedral
Tree Trail only
to be totally disoriented. This causes a suicidal rage and she rushes
to run her vehicle over a cliff. But she collects herself and asks
for directions to the trail. Two thoughts: Doughty at this stage of
her life does not seem to be in control of herself and her emotions.
Wandering lost and aimless can lead to rage. Of course, with the
right perspective, you can use it just to wander and enjoy. When you
go with the thoughts in the previous paragraph, you wonder about the
ultimate leading of her own worldview. The second is more prosaic.
She was trying to find this trail which goes out of the park’s
visitor center in a car? What was she really expecting?
After
finding solitude on this short trail, she sees things in a different
perspective. When she comes back, she sees a meadow chock-full of
vibrant colored flowers. A whole new look on things.
The
only thing that’s certain is nothing ever is.
Deth
Skool
Experiences
at mortuary school
First,
I do not like the slang take for the chapter heading.
She
notes that lifelike
is no longer the correct term-too many people think the dead will
come back. They now like natural.
As Doughty points out, what is natural about making up a corpse?
Not
sure why she went to mortuary school. She notes that The
longer you spend doing something you don’t believe in , the more
the systems of your body rebel.
So why did she continue?
Body
Van
Her
first job after graduating from mortuary school was to pick up
bodies.
She
drove 350 miles in the LA - San Diego area picking bodies.
She
makes statements which I would not take as gospel truth, but more as
direction of thinking. Such as there
has never been a time in history of the world when a culture has
broken so completely with traditional methods of body disposition and
beliefs surrounding mortality.
The reason why I make my statement is that she does not have any
references to where she gets this statement. Personal research? What
authority? …
Black
Death-one in which there is no preparation. Where did she get this I
wonder. Wikipedia
makes
no mention of this-nor could I find it in a brief gander at Buddhist
pages.
She
relates an incident where one of the wheels on her Volkswagen came
off on the freeway. She spun out of control into oncoming traffic.
But did not get hit. Her comment is that My
fear of fragmentation was born from fearing the loss of control.
This fragmentation is in relationship to her body being fragmented.
The
Art of Dying
 |
| From the University of Iowa. |
She
writes that comes 2020 there will be a huge shortage of physicians
and caretakers. I do not think she had foresight in knowing about the
Covid-19 virus pandemic. The book was copyrighted in 2014.
She
uses the phrase active
dying.
By this I think she means that we will be more dying than living and
not just the last couple of months, but many years. That the person
will not be able to function like a human, but not dead yet. She says
that most American will be this way due to modern science.
As
a mortuary person she notes that we need to move or we will start
decomposing, even if we are alive.
Doctors
or those training to be some would rather face drudgery of other
things than to tell a patient that they are dying. The reason
according to Atul Gawande is that people, particularly physicians, do
not want to face their own mortality.
As
a people, we do not want to face our own mortality either. We do not
want to think about AHCD’s, POSTL’s, DNR’s, or other end of
life things while we are still able to. Doughty thinks we are
short-changing our loved one.
She
quotes Kafka: The
meaning of life is that it ends.
Written in a private letter. This is something which Doughty
believes. As said above, I do not think this is true. Furthermore I
do not think it is something livable. Why? Because if that is the
end of things, then why keep living? Why perpetuate the human race?
It
is never too early to be thinking about your death, or those around
you.
If
you think about death now, then you can concentrate on grief of a
loved one instead of the questions you could be asking yourself-why
death or this death? Why is this happening to me? Of course, this
really depends on your own view of death.
Prodigal
Daughter
Her
thoughts at the end of the process.
She
now views a corpse as something beautiful, particularly when prepared
by their own family.
Unable
how to choose how I would die physically, I could only choose how I
would die mentally.
Evaluation:
First
of all, I will thank Peter for recommending this book to me. It is
not the type of book which I would normally pick up. And you might
ask, why isn’t it? Mostly because of a perceived lack of depth in
most modern writings. And now that I have said that…
I
think that Doughty’s book is a book well worth reading. As a
writer, she is gifted with words. She also is tackling a subject
matter which is not commonly spoken about-what should you do with a
body after death. There are many thought provoking things she goes
through. Such as, how do we treat bodies after death? Should our
treatment be more personal?
She
does this in the context of her life. She starts off the book with
her first cremation. Yes, she is in the death industry, as she puts
it. From there, much of the book is about experiences and thoughts
while she worked in a low-cost mortuary in Oakland, CA. She ends up
going to mortuary school and being repulsed by what she learns. But
she continues in the industry. She gives a brief talk about what she
is doing now to move the death of a loved one into a more personal
experience.
This
is a book I will recommend reading, if for no other purpose than to
get your thoughts moving in the direction of why we do what we do
with bodies after death. But it is also worth reading to gather in
how she uses words and weaves a story.
Doughty’s
book and her thinking has one basic, fatal-if you like-flaw. That is
her view of death. She views death as being the final statement on
life. I go with St Paul when he says, Death
has been swallowed up in victory. Where, O death, is your victory?
If you go with Doughty, she writes well and in many places leaves you
wanting more. But if you go that life does not end with death, then
the end is not an accurate description. That is up to you to decide.
Notes from my book group:
Many
of these questions are either from or adapted from LitLovers.
- Why the title of Smoke Gets In Your Eyes?
- Does this book work better as a biography or a tract on death?
- Did the ending seem fitting? Satisfying? Predictable?
- Every story has a world view. Were you able to identify this story’s world view? What was it? How did it affect the story?
- In what context was religion talked about in this book?
- Was there anybody you would consider religious?
- How did they show it?
- Was the book overtly religious?
- How did it affect the books story?
- Why do you think the author wrote this book?
- What would you ask the author if you had a chance?
- What “take aways” did you have from this book?
- What central ideas does the author present?
- Are they personal, sociological, global, or spiritual?
- What evidence does the author use to support the book's ideas?
- Is the evidence convincing...definitive or...speculative?
- Does the author depend on personal opinion, observation, and assessment? Or is the evidence factual—based on science, statistics, historical documents, or quotations from (credible) experts?
- Are these idea’s controversial?
- To whom and why?
- Are there solutions which the author presents?
- Do they seem workable? Practicable?
- How would you implement them?
- How did this book affect your view of the world?
- Of how God is viewed?
- What questions did you ask yourself after reading this book?
- Talk about specific passages that struck you as significant—or interesting, profound, amusing, illuminating, disturbing, sad...?
- What was memorable?
====
From
WW Norton’s Website
A message from Caitlin Doughty
Hello,
mortal:It seems you have completed Smoke
Gets in Your Eyes.
Whether you loved or hated the book, you've faced your own
mortality—and for that I commend you.This is an excellent first
step, but it doesn't stop here. Reading the book should be a
jumping-off point to larger discussions with your friends, family,
partners, and school and reading groups. Those discussions will lead
to action, and soon enough you'll be the most death-prepared person
you know.Your relationship with the prospect of death is a lifelong
one. It will change and grow; there will be good days and bad days.
But it will also be one of the more enriching relationships in your
life. You do yourself many favors by preparing for—and having open
conversations about—death and dying.
Discussion Questions
- What was the most "death-changing" fact you learned from Smoke Gets in Your Eyes?
- Do you discuss your end-of-life wishes with friends and family? Are there stories in Smoke Gets in Your Eyes that have changed the way you feel about those wishes or your plans to share them with others?
- To what extent do you think entrenched thinking—laws, customs, taboos—has informed the way you think about end-of-life care? What has reading Smoke Gets in Your Eyes revealed to you about those learned behaviors?
- Did you find the history of the American death industry surprising? Are its origins and its current state something you've thought about? Something you took for granted?
- What does death positivity mean to you? How could that meaning be different for different people and societies?
- What constitutes quality of life for an individual? Could there ever be said to be a standard? How does this question influence how we treat death in this country?
- Did you find some material in Smoke Gets in Your Eyes challenging to read? How have those passages contributed to your thinking about death?
- How do you think the media should address death and bodies when covering tragedies? What influence does the media have over the way we think about death today?
- What resources do you turn to in order to help guide your thinking about death and end-of-life choices? What resources do you turn to help guide your thinking about death and end-of-life choices? (See below for a list of resources recommended by Caitlin.)
- If you could ask Caitlin one question after reading the book, what would it be?
=====
Questions
from the Cake
book site
Smoke
Gets in Your Eyes is
an intentionally challenging read. Take a few moments to reflect on
your newfound understanding of death and the modern funeral industry.
These Smoke
Gets in Your Eyes discussion
questions will help you understand this reading:
- How does the history of funeral practices relate to modern funerals?
- Doughty expands upon death through the ages, touching on Egyptian embalming, medieval practices, and eastern tradition. Which of these cultural practices appeals the most to you and why?
- Why do you think death and the treatment of dead bodies become a taboo topic in our society?
- Think of a funeral you’ve been to in your life. How does Doughty’s experience compare to your understanding of this event?
- How has this book affected your perspective on the business and industry behind funerals?
- Now that you know the realities of funeral practices, how have you begun to think about your own end-of-life planning?
- Doughty recently began a movement she calls the “Order of the Good Death.” What does the good fight for the good death mean to you?
New Words:
- Anthropophagy (Push the Button): the eating of human flesh by human beings.
- Trocar (Pink Cocktail): a surgical instrument with a three-sided cutting point enclosed in a tube, used for withdrawing fluid from a body cavity.
- Desquamation (Unnatural Natural): French-peeling
- Hermaphrodites (Alas, Poor Yorick): a person or animal having both male and female sex organs or other sexual characteristics, either abnormally or (in the case of some organisms) as the natural condition.
- esoterica (Alas, Poor Yorick): esoteric or highly specialized subjects or publications.
- Schmaltzy tchotchkes (Alas, Poor Yorick): A small piece of worthless crap, a decorative knick knack with little or no purpose.
- Exudation (Bubblatin): a fluid emitted by an organism through pores or a wound
- desiccation (Bubblatin): the removal of moisture from something
- Dendritic (Body Van): having a branched form resembling a tree.
- The Legend of Sleepy Hollow by Washington Irving
- Inferno by Dante
- Twilight of the Idols by Fredrick Nietzsche
- On Cannibals by Michel de Montaigne
- Malleus Maleficarum by Heinrich Kramer
- The Loved One by Evelyn Waugh
- The American Way of Death by Jessica Mitford
- L’Homme devant la mort by Philippe Aries
- The Torture Garden by Octave Mirbeau
- Explosion in a Cathedral by Alejo Carpentier
Good Quotes:
- First Line: According to a journalist’s eyewitness account, Mata Hari, the famous exotic dancer turned World War I spy, refused to wear a blindfold when executed by a French firing squad in 1917.
- Last Line: The silence of death , of the cemetery, was no punishment, but a reward for a life well lived.
- Looking mortality straight in the eye is no easy feat. Author’s Note.
- As men, we are all equal in the presence of death. Publilius Syrus, The Moral Sayings of Publius Syrus, a Roman Slave, Maxim 1
- Having a purpose was nothing short of exhilarating. Chp The Redwoods
- The only thing that’s certain is nothing ever is. Chp The Redwoods
- The longer you spend doing something you don’t believe in , the more the systems of your body rebel. Chp Deth Skool
- Unable how to choose how I would die physically, I could only choose how I would die mentally. Chp Prodigal Daughter
- Author's Note
- Shaving Byron
- Puppy Surprise
- The Thud
- Toothpicks in Jell-O
- Push the Button
- Pink Cocktail
- Demon Babies
- Direct Disposal
- Unnatural Natural
- Alas, Poor Yorick
- Eros and Thanatos
- Bubblatin
- Ghusl
- Solo Witness
- The Redwoods
- Deth Skool
- Body Van
- The Art of Dying
- Prodigal Daughter
- Acknowledgments
- Notes on Sources
References:
- Author's Web Site
- Wikipedia-Author
- Amazon-Book
- Amazon-Author
- GoodReads-Book
- GoodReads-Author
- New York Times Review
- Washington Post review
- The Guardian’s review
- NPR Review
- Fresh Air interview
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