Basic Information : Synopsis : Expectations : Thoughts : Evaluation : Book Group : Book References : Good Quotes : Table of Contents : References
Basic Information:
Author:
Michelle Obama
Edition:
ePub on Overdrive from the San Francisco Public Library
Publisher:
Crown
ISBN:
1524763136 (ISBN13: 9781524763138)
Start
Date: July 7, 2019
Read
Date: October 7, 2019
426
pages
Genre:
History, Biography, OSHER
Language
Warning: None
Rated
Overall: 4 out of 5
History:
4 out of 5
Synopsis:
The
book goes from her childhood to after she finishes her term as First
Lady. It goes through the lack of confidence which drove her from her
elementary school to a special high school for advanced students into
Princeton and Harvard. Then the book talks about the twin stories of
Michelle Obama’s discontentment with the lawyer’s life and her
meeting Barack Obama as the person who was to guide him being a
lawyer. Eventually they marry. He is involved in many causes which
affect their relationship which eventually leads to him going into
politics. Children come a long and she has to balance a husband being
away with her own professional duties and being the mother to two
daughters.
Then
Barack Obama runs for President and she needs to assist him on the
campaign trail. She is uncomfortable speaking in front of people in
this situation, but it turns out she is highly effective. Barack
Obama wins and now they live in the White House. There is hatred that
a black family now inhabits the White House which causes security to
be even more vigilant. But they adapt and figure out life in the
center of a maelstrom. After eight years, the term ends and now
Michelle Obama needs to figure out how to become a person of purpose
after this highlight of any person’s career.
Expectations:
Recommendation:
Sherri and the OSHER Book Group
When:
May 2019
Date
Became Aware of Book: Early 2018
How
come do I want to read this book: Part of OSHER Book Group
What
do I think I will get out of it? Sherri is also reading it.
Thoughts:
As
a note of reference. When I say Obama, I mean Michelle Obama, the
author. When I want to reference her husband, I will either say
President Obama or Barack Obama.
There
is speculation the Obama had a ghostwriter, but none seems to be
credited. I wonder if she just had someone who could give her good
advice on how to write and cleaned up the prose. After all, as a
lawyer, she should know how to write.
Preface
Obama
thinks that what do you want to be when you grow up is a bad
question? Her thinking is the you are always Becoming.
Even when she walked out of the White House for the last time, she
felt that she needed to find herself again.
Becoming
me
Chapter
1
To
Obama, her family was her world, not all that was going on-white
flight, the Chicago Democratic riots, …
Her
family and friends had history which she did not know about. Such as
suing a college for lack of dorm space for blacks. Or being a railway
conductor and active in their union. I know I am guilty of this, not
recognizing a person’s history until too late.
Obama
was driven-example was her piano playing. Probably average, but
better because she new as she practiced she got better.
There
was a sense of wanting explanations for things, not just a plain NO.
Sometimes
when we practice with imperfection, we are not ready for perfection.
In this case, Obama’s piano had all sorts of nicks and wear marks.
When she was going to play in a concert, the keys did not have a feel
for what she was used to.
Chapter
2
Decline
can be a hard thing to measure, especially when you’re in the midst
of it.
While Obama is speaking of the elementary school she went to, it
could be her Dad or even a great nation. When I read this statement,
I was thinking of myself and how in five years my body is not able to
do what it did then. I am fighting it, but it is happening. How much?
I can do a rough measurement by how well I hike.
Chapter
3
Time,
as far as my father was concerned, was a gift you gave to other
people.
In some ways, time is the most valuable thing we have. We can give
away money and earn it right back. But time once spent is gone.
Obama’s
paternal grandfather was abusive verbally. This got under Obama’s
skin and something she never understood how come others let him get
away with things, particularly his wife, who ran a Bible book store
and seemed like an accomplished woman. Some of his abusiveness was
frustration. He was an otherwise intelligent man who had been held
back by racism.
Light
skin or dark skin-to whites, anything darker than their own skin,
triggers a kind of judgement. But to dark skinned people, even
African-Americans who are lighter skin, may cause them to be shunned
in some ways.
Chapter
4
The
opening story here is that Obama would bring home her classmates for
lunch at elementary school. They were close enough to do this. Her
mom would feed them all. Both a simpler time when children could roam
the streets and adults could be with kids from the neighborhood.
Failure
is a feeling long before it becomes an actual result.
Obama
felt that her advanced school had invested in her and the other
students.
Obama
also was hyper-competitive. She needed to be ahead of the other
students and would be disappointed if she was not.
Smells
bring back memories. To Obama, Pinesol says her mother and a clean
place.
Chapter
5
So
far Obama talks about her trying to be the best. But here she talks
about the real issue: Am
I good enough?
It is this lack of positive self-image which drives her to be the
best.
When
Obama went to an advanced school, she was exposed to something she
had not known before: what privileged people looked like and what
they could do because of their wealth. This is not a white vs black
thing but rich vs poor. Even then, she could not see how things
worked for the rich, only that there were differences, large
differences. On the other hand, trying to keep up with other smart
kids was an asset. She was told to lower her sights from Ivy League
schools. Instead she changed how she would get into a top flight
school and ignored the person who said she should lower her sights.
Obama
became friends with the daughter of Jesse Jackson. This was right
before he would announce he was running for President. Obama realized
that there was a lot of pre-work, setting up the groundwork to run
which Jackson was doing at this time.
All
people of accomplishment have critics and people who think they will
not succeed.
That
counselor who told her to lower her sights? Obama did not show her
her Princeton acceptance letter. Obama’s comment is It
would have done nothing for either of us. And in the end, I hadn’t
needed to show her anything. I was only showing myself.
That is a truly great statement and person. Whatever you do, it is to
show what kind of person you are-not to others, but to yourself.
Chapter
6
Interesting
life style and allusions. Such as We
fooled around and smoked pot…
Which today this sounds tame. Yet it was not so tame back in the
1980’s. Which makes you wonder what kind of breaking out of being
under parents did she have? Not that there is much of a hunt in the
book that she was making a break with her parents-still very close to
them.
She
notes that as when was getting ready to go to Princeton, she was
breaking her ties with Chicago, at least for now. Upon arriving in
Princeton, brought by her father and boyfriend, she broke up with her
boyfriend-rather she was thinking she was making that break. I wonder
why did she lead him on to travel to Princeton, just to say goodbye.
That does not seem too sporting of her.
She
thinks back to her first piano recital-playing on a perfect piano
when before it was only damaged ones. When she arrives at Princeton,
she realizes that she has been and probably is at a disadvantage.
Others have been tutored or given training at an advanced level in
high school or went away to boarding school. She says that it takes
extra energy to be one of the few in a class who are black or part of
a play. She goes on and in some cases shows her naivete. As a
freshman, she signs up for an upper vision theology class. But
through hard work and an 11th hour paper, she survived the class.
But
she thinks that there is a question being asked, Why
are you here?
This can be asked in a couple of versions. One version is derogatory,
like are you part of a quota and you do not really belong. But in
another way, it is a deep question, wanting you to explore the inner
side of herself. It is a question we should all ask of ourselves in
our situation.
People
on both sides need to learn to feel comfortable with other cultures.
This takes practice and some getting used to things. Along the way,
there will be mistakes.
Chapter
7
As
she was in school in Princeton, her sense of home in Chicago receded.
Still it was her home and there was strings connecting her. She just
had to remind herself. She did have an aunt in Princeton-a great
aunt.
On
the other hand, Jesse Jackson’s daughter was in Washington DC at
Howard University, which was mostly black and urban. There was a
sense of belonging there vs the white dominated Princeton. Yet, Obama
understood she had it good at Princeton.
Obama
I think had a similar reaction to being in the South as her
classmates had to having a black in class. It
was so different from what I knew.
So similar, just different circumstances. The other item which I saw
is that we all can become blind to circumstances which are bad. Such
as the plantations of the South. They were run by slave -power. But
now they are a reminder of an elegant past with the slaves being
forgotten.
Obama
notes there are several versions of being black in America-Southern,
northern, New York, Puerto Rican, California, … Each have a
different variant of what being black looks like. This is good thing
to remember when dealing with racism. Just because Jim Crow is not
primary in California, we might have a different and more quiet forms
of discrimation.
Something
which we all do not recognize until later, sometimes much later. When
Obama visited one of her relatives in South Carolina, being a
student, she wanted to talk about “important” things. Her Aunt
just fed her well. Later Obama saw
Aunt Sis simply as a mild-mannered accommodating older lady, but she
was giving us a gift we were still too young to recognize, filling us
up with the past-ours, hers, our fathers and grandfathers--without
once needing to commonet on it.
Not
sure what she is getting at in her running through the fields story.
I think it is the kind of thing GK Chesterton would say, but much
more interestingly. There are some things made for a purpose. This
purpose is for people to run through it. Most of the other parts of
the book Obama says things pretty well. Or maybe I am just trying to
bend her into what I am hoping she would say.
When
she makes it into Harvard Law School, she gets a lot of isn’t
that impressive
comments, which it is. But she also points out that these same
comments do put up bumpers which either guide you or restrict you in
what you do.
After
graduation, she gets hired. One of her tasks is to guide a talented,
young law intern which the firm really wants to hire after he
graduates. His name? Barack Obama.
Chapter
8
Barack
Obama’s come on line-maybe it would been seen as a positive if
Obama and Barack dated. Obama being the bait to keep Barack Obama at
the firm. She was reluctant because of him being an intern and she
being his advisor. Obama’s unease with Barack Obama was like
a wind that threatened to unsettle everything[all
of her plans]. Later when coming back from a senior partner BBQ,
Barack Obama asked if she wanted to get ice cream. It was then which
Obama decided
to stop thinking and just live.
Powerful statement.
Becoming
us
Chapter
9
Obama
started to sleep with Barack Obama before he went back to Harvard.
Sounds like a modern couple-not one which I appreciate. Interesting
that the example Obama had was of a stable, married family. But
Barack Obama’s example was a marriage which was only brief enough
to get him borne. His mother was a wanderer from Hawaii to Indonesia.
Obama talks more of this in chapter 10.
There
is a reason why I like Barack Obama. Obama said that he spent his
money on books and treated them like sacred objects, provide ballast
for his mind. His reading list included history, biographies, Toni
Morrison, several newspapers
Barack
Obama felt more at home in an unruly world.
Some
things which Obama realized as she got to know Barack Obama and his
world, is that she had succeeded. She had a loving family, had been
active in helping others. She had always looked past where she was
at. But Barack Obama’s version
of hope reached far beyond mine: It was one thing to get yourself out
of a stuck place… It was another thing entirely to try and get the
place itself unstuck.
He used a borrowed phrase Do
we settle for the world as it is, or do we work for the world as it
should be?
Interesting
description of a college roommate. She says she was too busy to send
a postcard because she
was too busy living, stuffing herself full of what the world had to
give.
Now I know that Obama did not mean this, but it seemed like what the
world had to give to her roommate was cancer. So on the one hand,
here was a person who concentrated on experiencing everything the
world was and had to give, but then had to figure out how to live
with cancer-even if it was for a few short years.
Obama
talks about how over the winter and spring she worked instead of
being with her roommate. Why? Because that is what lawyers do. Don’t
the rest of us work because that is what we are to do? But when she
did visit her roommate, she did not look as sick as others in the
hospital. Obama’s observation is that people continue to go on with
life unaware that they could die. Rather dark. Still true. How we
live our life is how we deal with that question. Do we ignore death,
dwell on it, or come to terms with it.
Chapter
10
The
next summer, same sleeping arrangements. I think I am starting to see
why those of more conservative morals may view the Obama’s with
distrust.
Journalling
did not come naturally to Obama-it did to Barack Obama. But she
writes that living with Barack Obama took adjusting to the amount of
energy he brought to the table in terms of confidence and honesty-it
can be tough to live with a person who does not have many vices,
except smoking and cohabitation. Barack Obama felt he could make a
difference in the world.
Finding
a “virtuous” job which paid the bills is hard to find. But then
she is looking at externals for the virtue rather than internalizing
the needs to be dedicated to God and letting Him make it virtuous.
Work as meaningful. Does that mean you have been helping a person in
need each day, each hour, each minute? Or can you be shuffling
paperwork and having that as meaningful? Brother Lawrance gives us an
example. He washed dishes in a monastery. How mundane and
uninteresting and lack of meaning is that? Yet it is his works which
shows us the way to have a relationship with God. And yes, there were
days when I would look at what I was doing and say how tedious.
Interesting
phrase showing love by being reliable. This is in reference to her
mom.
Chapter
11
Between
her father’s death at 55 and her roommates at 26, Obama felt she
needed to do something with her life besides writing legal briefs.
University
of Chicago meant to those in the southern part of Chicago as being
for the elite-or translated, not
for us.
Princeton seemed not as forbidding. Why is that?
Also
politics (i.e., City Hall) was a place where blacks did not feel
welcome nor was it their friend.
Her
comment is that Barack Obama is that by sticking to your principles,
things would work out. Sounds like he got that from his mom who sort
of was a wanderer.
Continuing
discussion on why get married? Also when they were together,
particularly when they were tired, they had arguments-at times, does
not sound like a lot. She says that like any new couple they need to
learn how to fight.
African-American’s
do not feel like Africa is home, so they feel in an in-between place
there.
Chapter
12
Both
Obama’s became members of Trinity Church in Chicago, Rev Jeremiah
Wright’s church. He officiated at their wedding. It was during the
ceremony did Obama realize the power of what they were doing. It is
interesting what Obama says she has faith in. I
had faith in this union, faith in this man
This is a good thing at a wedding. I am interested in knowing about
what faith in a God she had/has.
They
honeymooned in Northern California. I wonder what part did they go
to?
Two
professional people who would become her friends from working at the
City of Chicago: Susan Sherr and Valerie Jarrett. Bth would be of
influence in the family’s politics.
Barack
Obama had a book contract which he defaulted on and had to pay back
$40,000. Obama says that she was more worried about it than he was.
She notes that chaos
agitated me, but it seemed to invigorate Barack.
With a new possible book contract, Barack Obama had to find a place
to do the writing. His Mom found a place on Bali. Being newly
married, Obama was confused. The conclusion she came up with to
almost every question within marriage is You
find ways to adapt.
Chapter
13
She
switched jobs to work to train disadvantaged youth. She says that for
the first time she felt she was doing something which immediately
meaningful which directly impacted others. Interesting that she felt
the need for immediate gratification, even if it was in the realm of
meaning to her life.
Insight
into what makes Barack Obama tick. Obama is more of a relational
person who needs to be in contact with people. But her husband needs
the space away to ponder, digest and gain insight into the situation.
He is content being surrounded by books, receding into his mind. She
wants to bring him back out of that-she is a bit put off by this and
needs not to see it. She says that time
spent there [along
with his thoughts and ideas and books]
seems to fuel him.
She notes that in every place where they have lived, he creates a
hole where their is quietness for him. His hole is a sacred place for
him. Worth reading the book for this insight.
When
Barack Obama thought of running for office, Obama’s thoughts were
not positive. She felt that she did not like politicians and did not
want her husband to become one. Her thought description of lawmakers
were that they were like
armored tortoises, leather-skinned, slow moving, thick with
self-interest.
She felt Barack Obama did not fit that mode and did not want him to
become one.
Once
Barack Obama became a politician, Obama felt like she enjoyed it. A
lot of it was getting out and meeting people and understanding their
problems. To Obama, it was a golden time for them once they
established a routine. They each had a purpose.
Obama
talks about her mother-in-law’s death. How she had given Barack
Obama a wide range of experiences, making him comfortable moving
across situations or continents. How he could enjoy a monsoon
downpour in Jakarta. She had given him an intrepid spirit.
When
Obama finds out she is pregnant, they had to find out its gender.
Barack-fact guy, Obama-planner. Interesting. They want to know
everything about their baby and yet, in another woman, it would be OK
to abort the bay. Does not seem like there is congruence.
Chapter
14
What
are family values? Where do they fit in the life of a politician?
Does an emergency session take priority over a special family time?
What does his electorate expect from someone? These were the things
Barack Obama was dealing with as a state legislature. He had been on
a family vacation in Hawaii when the legislature was called back into
special session. He was criticized for putting his family first. She
knew of other politicians who had given themselves over to the
demands of politicians. She was wondering-were they happy? Were they
real? What were their backstories?
Politics-people
putting their grab for power before others.
We
live in the paradigms we know.
Barack Obama had a father who left his wife and him. His mother was
only loosely connected. So he relished his independence. Being a part
time father seemed OK by what he knew. But Obama felt like she needed
a full-time husband and a full-time father for her children. How do
you manage different expectations?
Chapter
15
With
Barack Obama away so much, Obama had to conserve her energy to be
there for the home life. Her goal: maintain normalcy. His was more
comfortable bouncing around like a boat on the ocean.
When
Barack Obama gave his speech at the Democratic National Convention,
it was a gamble, but also a sense that destiny was placing him there.
What destiny? What does this mean? Some mysterious guiding force? A
diety? Or is this just a throwaway line?
After
the speech, Obama realized that Barack Obama no longer belonged to
her and her family. But more to a wider audience
As
a US Senator, Barack Obama spent most of his time in Washington DC.
Other senator wives thought she would join him there. But she had
decided that she would stay in Chicago. She bristled at the
suggestion of moving. I wonder what the other wives were trying to
do? Gain a black wife for their tea? Honestly looking out for
her-making sure her husband does not stray? Protecting the
relationship?
And
then the discussion about being president. Eventually it came down to
a rather one-sided agreement. She was not happy about him trying to
be president, but understood he would be a great president.
Chapter
16
Barack
Obama hoped to run a “novice” type campaign from the bottom up.
He hoped to capture the hopes of those who felt they were not being
heard. Isn’t this what Donald Trump did?
Of
course, Obama needed to have everyone of her children looking like
future presidential family material. But one a shoestring budget. Her
goal changed from the of presidential appearance to hoping they at
least looked like they had a mother. (I snickered at this one. A good
line.)
As
the campaign progressed, Obama realized it was not just them running
for president, but that many people were investing their time, money,
and talents. There was a contract with the people of the United
State: You
show up for us and we’ll show up for you.
Chapter
17
Bullies:
scared
people hiding inside scary people.
Interesting take. Sort of makes you feel sorry for a bully. She felt
that during the 2008 there were several times she or her husband got
ambushed unfairly.
Looking
back when Malia was born, Barack Obama and Obama felt they knew how
to parent. In 2008 when Malia was ten, Obama knew that she knew
nothing.
The
more popular you become, the more haters you acquire.
Race
became the undercurrent to the campaign. It was the subtitle to
things, like do not let the black folks in. On the other hand, the
Democratic party also played the race card about how Barack Obama
would be the first black president. Neither side was playing it race
neutral.
The
higher up you go, the more people will dig into your past. In this
case, a paper which Obama wrote twenty years ago while trying to pass
a class was dug up and shown as proof that she and he were trying to
become some sort of black-power candidate.
I
was surprised that Obama was not treated as an important part of
Barack Obama’s campaign. She was more of an afterthought unless she
said something which blew up. Once she got the support, she could
speak with confidence. When people saw that she was a real person,
they saw that the caricatures where false. An important lesson she
learned was that
it’s harder to hate up close.
Which sort of says if you meet someone who doesn't like you, a good
strategy is to befriend them.
Chapter
18
She
says she would have been content if they lost the election. Wonder
how disappointed she would be.
Chapter
19
Being
the first is not easy. That is what Obama found out. And she thinks
about her history of going into unknown places or being a minority in
a setting how uncomfortable that was. Being the first black First
Lady was something she had to learn to grapple with.
She
knew she needed a strategy. Also a strong backing her up. People were
watching. Some wanted her to fail.
There
is a $100,000 federal fund to help new presidents move and
redecorate. Barack Obama wanted to do it himself, without these
funds. Obama’s thinks it is because of his high view of money and
ethics. She noted that being black, you’ve
got to be twice as good to get half as far.
Barack
Obama’s inauguration meant a lot to the black community. He made
sure that a lot of the people who made it possible throughout history
were represented-Little Rock Nine, Tuskegee Airmen, to name a couple
of groups. We saw this when we read the graphic novel March
by John Lewis.
Chapter
20
Interesting
her take on the focus of those in the White House. The
White House,..., operates with the express purpose of optimizing the
well-being of one person--and that’s the president.
Consequently, the President is treated like a rare gem, guarded and
handled in a protective manner.
There
are official duties the First Lady has to do and that person better
do them well. Not of national significance, they make people feel
good about the Presidency. But this was not where her heart was at.
She was hoping to do more “impactful” work. Sort of sounds like
somebody immature who wants to do other things than what they have
been assigned to.
On
the other hand, they did work on what she calls democratizing the
White House. Inviting more ordinary citizens in for events. One of
her first non-traditional items was to plant a garden-in an effort to
introduce eating healthier.
The
White House started to be familiar because that is where they were
at.
Chapter
21
Obama
tried to give Barack Obama space to get away from White House
business by not discussing what was going on or concerns she may
have. But there were time Barack Obama wanted to talk to her about
things.
When
business takes up so much of the day, it is hard to keep physically
fit. There is a small gym in the White House where some exercise
could take place.
Even
a date, even though an expensive one going to New York for a dinner
and play became a political talking point. That is the life of the
President and his family-whatever is done will cause extra work and
extra expense. Spontaneous exiting the White House could not be done
by the President or the family. But things were worked out that some
things, such as a child going and getting ice cream was made
possible.
Chapter
22
Being
President or part of the First Family requires that leadership be
shown. The nation will take its cue from them. This can be stressful
as you are always under a microscope. Or it can be envirgating, such
as showing the Gulf of Mexico was safe to swim after an oil spill.
When the earthquake struck Haiti, Obama was torn up by the
destruction witnessed.
She
tried to visit military hospitals to be there for the wounded
veterans. In some ways, she was more touched by them than they by
her. The recognized the First Lady and tried to show the respect they
felt towards the office.
She
notes that Donald Trump, even in 2011 was fermenting hatred and
distrust towards the office. Obama was concerned about what type of
people would respond to him and how would they respond. The “birther”
rumor took its toll. Many people were confused. Some believed. One
man took a semi-automatic weapon and tried to attack the White House
with it.
Obama
recognized that there were people who were willing to hurt her and
her family-both mentally and physically because they were the “other”
people. Everywhere she went people would say they were praying for
her safety.
This
leads into a section on faith. From this page, it sounds like they
were a lot more religious than when they got married. She says that
they relied
on their personal faith
because it was not feasible to go to church. They missed the sense of
community. They did not want to expose the congregation to the type
of exposure Rev Jeremiah Wright got and where faith can be used as a
weapon. She described the actions they had: praying before meals and
each night, Sunday school for the kids, saying prayers in bed. I am
wondering what happened to them between the days of living together
before marriage to this time where it appears their faith is going
again. She does not talk about it in this book.
Friendships
between women, as any woman will tell you, are built of a thousand
small kindnesses like these, swapped back and forth and over again.
Is she differentiating how friendships are built among men? Are all
women's friendships built this way? I like the statement, just
speculating if a man said this, what kind of reaction there would be.
This
explains why Trump avoids the White
House Correspondents’ Dinner. Trump
was in the audience when Barack Obama made some zingers about him and
his birther movement.
Chapter
23
She
makes a statement about earning
my grace.
Not a theological statement, but one of approval from the United
States population. This is a sign of insecurity-I would suspect that
99.99% of us would feel insecure in her situation.
Interesting
perspective: Life
was teaching me that progress and change happen slowly. Not in two
years, four years or even a lifetime. We were planting seeds of
change, the fruit of which we might never see. We had to be patient.
She gives an example of Nelson Mandela’s long struggle where he
missed out on much of a “normal” life. He did reap the result of
being the father of his newly reformed country. Several things
standout to me about Obama’s statement. Change happens slowly-not
the instant we hit the streets. The demand for change, real change,
may take a generation or more to happen. It is done with a cost. Skin
needs to be in the game.
Being
the First Lady is a curious blend of power and window dressing-this
last words are mine. She notes that much of it is soft power, but the
power to influence. People pay attention to what the First Lady does
and many people try to emulate. Being the first black First Lady,
there was curiosity what she would make of this title. Also a
professional woman with young kids. As a side, I think that Obama was
much more noticeable than most First Ladies. She certainly is more
noticeable than Melania Trump. I think it is more because of
personality than politics. Melania has the disadvantage of being a
former model and people she her more for her body than for what she
can bring to the table.
On
election night 2012, Obama was very concerned about the results. She
hid herself away in a room with a few of her friends. But her phone
had gone dead so she did not get any of the results saying the Barack
Obama had won and won pretty heavily, particularly in the swing
states they thought they might lose. In her words, I’d
allowed myself to get trapped in my own head.
That is the way of worry.
Chapter
24
Obama
talks about living in two planes-this one and the one you are
striving for. You
may live in the world as it is, but you can still work to create the
world as it should be.
Obama
and Barack Obama lived
with an awareness that we ourselves were a provocation.
Interesting. I think we are seeing some of the backlash through the
Presidency of Donald Trump. There is an appeal to more whiteness and
that the privilege is being taken away. True. But should not all be
raised to the same level?
Obama
basked in the victory of gay rights.
There
is a world-wide perception that educating girls is money down the
drain. Yet it is shown as a female’s education level rises so does
that countries GDP. Barack Obama was able to leverage resources to
aid education of females.
Maybe
an example of the privilege mentioned above is that Obama purposely
choose certain schools to give commencement speeches (including UC
Merced). Not because of the greatness of the school, but because of
the boost it would give. She notes that Harvard and Princeton would
do fine without her.
As
Obama got comfortable being the First Lady, she felt that she could
give voice to those marginalized by race or gender. To give a reason
to hope. She knew what it was like to be invisible.
As
the day of him leaving the Presidency grew closer, he watched as
Malia graduated. He was to gain freedom as his daughters were
leaving. The natural inclination is to hold on, but as parents they
knew they had to let go.
The
theme of her 2012 convention speech was the being
president doesn’t change who you are; it reveals who you are.
Interesting when you apply that to our different Presidents.
Obama
feels that Donald Trump is a bully. Her family was rattled when Trump
was elected president. After the election, Obama wonders why so many
women voted for a misogynist instead of a well qualified woman.
Maybe some of it is that when people are expecting you to do
something, they rebel-my two cents.
Before
leaving the White House, Obama expanded the garden and made some
permanent changes to it. I wonder if it has been kept up since she
left. Apparently the garden still exists, but not with Melania Trump
tending it, except at sporadic times. NPS is doing the majority of
maintenance on itWashington
Post.
Depending
on how you look at things, you can have nothing or everything. You
may be poor with love or vica versa or best with both.
Obama
hopes that when they left the White House they left it so that future
generations had a glimmer of hope. That even more was possible.
Epilogue
Obama
thinks of herself as something in progress rather than having
arrived. More of a forward motion, not resting on achievement.
Process. Patience and rigor-I would say discipline. Not giving up on
your idea..
Evaluation:
Michelle
Obama uses the title Becoming
to show how she has moved through various phases of her life:
Becoming an adult, Becoming the First Lady, and life Becoming the
First Lady person. She walks through each phase of her life:
childhood, professional and married life, and political life in this
well-written book.
For
the most part, the book concentrates on herself and what she became
and is becoming. If you are looking for inside politics, this is not
the book. She touches on things only as they touched her. Such as the
feud Trump has with them, she talks about what it meant to her in
relationship to the safety of her family.
What
the book gives you a good view of who Michelle Obama thinks she is,
what her ambitions was, what she is like as a person and the lack of
confidence she continues to overcome. She does this with a light
touch, making it a delight to read.
Chances
are if you are a Democrat and/or liberal you will love this book. If
you are a conservative and/or Republican, there will be a lot in here
which you will not like and will disagree with. But anyway you look
at it, it is her story and a story told well.
Notes from my book group:
Obama
starts off the book by saying that she feels the question, what
do you want to be when you grow up
is a bad question. Why does she say that? What would be a better
question? What do you want to become?
What
things do you wish you had known about someone-your friend or family
member--which you know have an inkling about, but which you did not
ask about when you had a chance?
Michelle
Obama says that her father thought that Time
… was a gift you gave to other people.
How so?
Talk
about her question to herself,that Am
I good enough?
Is this a constructive or destructive question?
The
concept of privilege is talked about in this book. How is it shown
and in what ways does it seem innocent? What effects does Obama show
it to have?
Michelle
Obama was advised not to set her hopes on getting into Princeton.
Why? Later on she is accepted, but does not show her counselor it.
She says that It
would have done nothing for either of us. And in the end, I hadn’t
needed to show her anything. I was only showing myself.
Do you think this is more of a hindsight reflection? Or something
she thought through at the time? Is she right?
Obama
says that she was either the only black person in a class, or one of
a few. What difference would that make? Is there anything which could
allow a minority student succeed in a classroom situation under these
circumstances? Or a work situation?
What
do you make of the statement Michelle Obama makes: stop
thinking and just live?
This is done in the context of accepting a date from Barack Obama.
One
of the things Michelle Obama got from Barack Obama was that if you
stick to your principles, things would work out. Is this true? How
have you seen examples of counterexamples?
Michelle
Obama’s thoughts on politics was that they were like
armored tortoises, leather-skinned, slow moving, thick with
self-interest.
Thoughts? Can anybody who runs for public office escape being like
that?
Most
politicians talk about the importance of family-values. Yet there was
many examples in the book where family time was expected to be
secondary to governance issues or worse yet politics. How can we as
voters enforce that we value families?
Barack
Obama felt like it was destiny for him to give the keynote address at
the 2004 Democratic Convention. What is destiny? Who guides destiny?
How can you tell whe destiny touches you, or someone or a situation?
When
Michelle Obama became First Lady, she wanted to do impactful work. Do
you think any other First Ladies felt that? How did they cope? How
did Michelle Obama cope? Is this a goal which we want our First
Ladies (or Men, when we have a women President?) Should the First
Lady directly impact policy? If so should we consider both the
President and First Lady as a team, such as we do with the President
and Vice President?
How
fast should change be made in society? Michelle Obama recognized that
long-term change happens slowly. Her example is Nelson Mandela with
him being in prison for a good part of his life. Are we impatient for
change? What happens when change is pushed too fast? Is that what we
are seeing today?
How
is there truth in her statement that being
president doesn’t change who you are; it reveals who you are.
Do people change when they become President?
Many
of these questions are either from or adapted from LitLovers.
- Why the title of Becoming?
- Does this story work as a biography? How come or how would you classify it?
- Did her ending seem fitting? Satisfying? Predictable?
- Every story has a world view. Were you able to identify this story’s world view? What was it? How did it affect the story?
- In what context was religion talked about in this book?
- Was there anybody you would consider religious?
- How did they show it?
- Was the book overtly religious?
- How did it affect the books story?
- Why do you think the author wrote this book?
- What would you ask the author if you had a chance?
- What “take aways” did you have from this book?
- What central ideas does the author present?
- Are they personal, sociological, global, political, economic, spiritual, medical, or scientific
- What evidence does the author use to support the book's ideas?
- Is the evidence convincing...definitive or...speculative?
- Does the author depend on personal opinion, observation, and assessment? Or is the evidence factual—based on science, statistics, historical documents, or quotations from (credible) experts?
- What implications for you, our nation or the world do these ideas have?
- Are these idea’s controversial?
- To whom and why?
- How did this book affect your view of the world?
- Of how God is viewed?
- What questions did you ask yourself after reading this book?
- Talk about specific passages that struck you as significant—or interesting, profound, amusing, illuminating, disturbing, sad...?
- What was memorable?
1.
Mrs. Obama begins her book with a story about making cheese toast on
a quiet night at home, a few months after leaving the White House.
Why do you think she chose this story to begin her memoir?
2.
Mrs. Robinson is the opposite of a helicopter parent. She was tough
and had very high expectations for her children, and she also
expected them to figure some things out on their own and learn from
their missteps and the process of making choices. She gave her
children agency at a very young age. How did that shape Mrs. Obama?
What is the balance between discipline and trust?
3.
In Becoming, we get to know the constellation of Mrs. Obama’s
extended family through her eyes. Her grandfather, Southside filled
his house with music and makeshift speakers and merriment. Years
later, Mrs. Obama would fill the White House with music and culture
through live performances and several programs aimed at children. How
do those kinds of early memories leave an imprint on us as we grow
older? What were the sights and smells that you remember from
visiting grandparents or other elders, and how have they left a mark
on you?
4.
In discussing her neighborhood on the South Side of Chicago, Mrs.
Obama writes, "Failure is a feeling long before it becomes an
actual result. It’s vulnerability that breeds with self-doubt and
then is escalated, often deliberately, by fear." How did this
insight shape Mrs. Obama’s work and mission as First Lady? What can
we all do—as individuals, parents, and community members—to help
break this cycle?"
5.
Mrs. Obama writes about the early influences of her mother, Marion
Robinson, and her TV role model Mary Tyler Moore. One was a single,
professional living on her own in the big city. One was a wise and
supportive stay-at-home mother, who later went to work to help pay
for her children’s education. Where do you see the influences of
both of these women in Mrs. Obama’s life?
6.
Early in her senior year at Whitney Young High School, Mrs. Obama
went for an obligatory first appointment with the school college
counselor. Mrs. Obama was treasurer of the senior class. She had
earned a spot in the National Honor Society. She was on track to
graduate in the top 10 percent of her class and she was interested in
joining her older brother, Craig, at Princeton University. The
guidance counselor said to her, "I’m not sure that you’re
Princeton material." How did Mrs. Obama handle hearing that
statement? How does one avoid having one’s dreams dislodged by
someone else’s lower expectations?
7.
In high school Mrs. Obama said she felt like she was representing her
neighborhood. At Princeton, faced with questions of whether she was
the product of Affirmative Action programs, she felt like she was
representing her race. Was that more than a feeling? Was she actually
representing her communities in those settings? Have you had moments
in life where you feel as though you are representing one of your
communities?
8.
In her early life Mrs. Obama writes about being a "box checker,"
but as she gets older she learns how to "swerve" to adjust
to life’s circumstances. What does it mean to swerve and how do we
develop that skill in life?
9.
In Becoming, Mrs. Obama describes a number of women who have served
as mentors for her at different times in her life, including Czerny
Brasuell, Valerie Jarrett, and Susan Sher. What do these women have
in common? What lessons did Mrs. Obama learn from them about finding
a fulfilling career as a parent? Who are your mentors and how do you
cultivate those relationships?
10.
In Chapter 15, Mrs. Obama explains why she chose to support her
husband’s run for the presidency despite her misgivings about
politics. What made her change her mind? Would you have made the same
choice? How do you balance the competing worlds of family life and
work in your life?
11.
As Mrs. Obama notes, First Lady is a role without a job description.
How did Mrs. Obama choose to approach the role? If you were in charge
of writing the job description for the First Lady, what would you
include and exclude?
12.
In Becoming, Mrs. Obama writes candidly about detractors who tried to
invalidate her standing or her work. "I was female, black, and
strong, which to certain people, maintaining a certain mind-set,
translated only to ‘angry.’ It was another damaging cliche, one
that’s been forever used to sweep minority women to the perimeter
of every room, an unconscious signal not to listen to what we’ve
got to say." What is the root of that "angry black woman"
cliche? How and why does it do damage?
13.
Throughout her life, Michelle Obama has been a meticulous planner. It
is evident in her approach to her studies in high school and at
Princeton. It is evident in the way she transitioned through jobs as
a professional. And it is evident in the way she approached her role
as First Lady. Where did that come from? How did Fraser Robinson’s
approach to life impact his daughter? Are you a planner or more
spontaneous? How does it impact those around you and your life?
14.
In the epilogue, Mrs. Obama writes, "I’ve never been a fan of
politics, and my experience over the last ten years has done little
to change that." Did you find her statement surprising? Do you
think politics is an effective way to make social change?
15.
Why do you think Michelle Obama chose to name her memoir "Becoming"?
What does the idea of "becoming" mean to you?
(Questions
issued by the publisher.)
Let’s
talk about the preface, how did it help set the stage for Michelle
telling her story in her own words? What do you think were some of
the goals of her memoir; what key points did she want to convey to
the public?
In
Becoming Me, we get to know Michelle as a child and her parents and
brother. Her parents made sure education was a focus. On page 40,
Michelle remembers that when she was about ten and chatting with a
group of girls her age, a distant cousin asks her why she talks like
a “white girl.” Looking back, she recognized the challenge of
“squaring who you are with where you came from and where you want
to go.” Let’s talk about why this was an eye-opening interaction
for her.
Throughout
her story, Michelle acknowledges that one reason she’s such a hard
worker and goes the extra mile is because she’s always wondering:
Am I good enough? Can you relate to feeling that way?
Why
do you think Michelle chose to attend Princeton over other colleges?
Why did she decide to become a lawyer?
Let’s
talk about when Michelle and Barack first meet. Why do you think they
were so drawn to each other? Reading about them young and in love,
did you learn anything new about both of them?
Michelle
experiences loss in her 20s from her best friend passing away to the
loss of her beloved father. On page 146, she says that losing her dad
reminded her that life is short and not to be wasted. Let’s talk
about how she made the steps to change her life and career after
experience loss.
After
Michelle and Barack get married, she recognizes their differences;
he’s an individualist while she’s an outgoing family woman. But
she says, “you find ways to adapt. If you’re in it forever,
there’s really no choice.” What do you think about that section?
In what ways did they both adjust to each other’s different habits?
Michelle
is very open about their fertility struggles, which oftentimes is not
discussed. Why do you think this topic is so taboo in our society?
She
also opens up about how her and Barack saw a couple’s counselor.
Why was it important for her to share this?
We
follow Barack’s rise to eventually running for president and while
Michelle knows what an intelligent and capable man he is, she’s
worried about the impact of politics on the family. She says on page
224 that she “wanted Barack for our family. Everyone else seemed to
want him for our country.” She asks herself if she was afraid or
just tired? What do you think were some of the key reasons she was
hesitant about politics? Why do you think she finally was ok with him
running?
Michelle
talks often of balancing being a mother with a career. She’s honest
about the complications that arise, especially with factoring in
Barack’s career choices, too. Let’s discuss this and how someone
always has to make sacrifices when trying to balance it all.
What
did you think about the sections dedicated to campaigning? What stuck
out to you? Would you ever want to run for office or have your spouse
run? Why or why not?
During
the campaign, both Barack and Michelle receive so much
attention—especially from celebrities. On page 257, Michelle
details how surreal it was to have Oprah text her and Stevie Wonder
call her by her first name as if they’ve known each other forever.
Do you think one ever adjusts to becoming famous like that?
When
Michelle starts campaigning for Barack, the media scrutinizes
everything she says. It shows not only the pressure of politics for
the candidate but also for the spouse. This is also when the media
tries to paint her as an “angry black woman.” Let’s discuss
this and how she rose above it.
After
Barack wins, Michelle becomes the first African American First Lady.
She immediately decides that she won’t play a passive role. Let’s
talk about how she’s different from other first ladies.
What
did you think about the ‘behind the scenes’ look at life in the
White House?
Michelle
was focused on several initiatives during her time as First Lady:
combating childhood obesity with healthy eating and exercise and
encouraging education, especially among women and minorities. Let’s
discuss her initiatives and why they are so important.
A
key section in the novel is when Michelle meets Nelson Mandela. She
writes:
“Life
was teaching me that progress and change happen slowly. Not in two
years, four years, or even a lifetime. We were planting seeds of
change, the fruit of which we might never see. We had to be patient.”
Let’s
talk about how this relates to their time in the White House and in
the aftermath.
What
are some of the highlights for you in this read?
If
you could ask Michelle Obama one question, what it would be?
Michelle
says that “Becoming is never giving up on the idea that there’s
more growing to be
Becoming Book Club Questions
1.
How much did you know about Michelle Obama’s history before reading
her memoir? What details surprised you?
2.
Despite being one of the most famous and influential women in modern
history, many readers have expressed how relatable they have found
the First Lady’s life. Did you feel this way? Why or why not?
3.
How did Michelle Obama’s upbringing on the South Side of Chicago
influence her identity when she attended Princeton? How would you
characterize her relationship with her parents before and during
these formative years?
4.
In what ways is the Obamas’ marriage just like any other marriage?
In what ways is it different?
5.
Obama candidly discusses her experiences with infertility, in vitro
fertilization, and motherhood. How did these struggles influence her
marriage, her goals, and her outlook?
6.
Who were some of Obama’s mentors — and why? How important do you
think it is for women to have female mentors?
7.
Why did Michelle Obama make a choice to go into public service? Why
do you think people who knew her were surprised by her change in
career path?
8.
How did Obama feel about her husband’s political career and
politics in general? Were you surprised by her comments regarding
politics?
9.
Contrast Michelle Obama’s public persona with this more intimate
portrait. How is she different? In what ways did her personality come
through during her time as First Lady?
10.
What is Obama’s relationship like with her daughters? In what ways
is her approach to parenting similar to her mother’s parenting? In
what ways is it different?
11.
What does the title, Becoming,
mean to you?
12.
Having read Obama’s memoir, and knowing more about her life from
her perspective, what do you think her legacy will be? What do you
think she’d like her legacy to be?
Becoming Book Club Questions from BookRiot
- Michelle Obama’s memoir is divided into three sections: Becoming Me, Becoming Us, and Becoming More. How does dividing her story in this way help shape the narrative? And is it effective?
- Michelle Obama writes, “Now I think it’s one of the most useless questions an adult can ask a child—What do you want to be when you grow up? As if growing up is finite. As if at some point you become something and that’s the end.” How many different things has Michelle Obama “become,” and how has each of these “becomings” changed her and the way she sees the world?
- Michelle’s upbringing in the South Side of Chicago is a significant part of her story. What does this particular place signify to her, and how did it shape her identity? How does any childhood hometown affect identity?
- One of the most noteworthy (pardon the pun) stories from Michelle Obama’s childhood is her first piano recital. After practicing on a worn down piano with a chipped key, Michelle finds it difficult to remember what to play on a pristine piano. Obama writes that in this moment, “disparities of the world had just quietly shown themselves to me for the first time.” What about this moment was so important to her? How do you think her awareness of privilege in this moment, and throughout the memoir, affected her outlook on life?
- Of her parents, Michelle Obama says that they treated her and her brother Craig like adults, starting at a very young age. This meant taking Michelle and Craig’s questions and concerns seriously and answering them honestly (even questions about sex, drugs, and racism). Do you think this is an effective way of parenting, or is there something to be said for shielding children from some parts of life?
- This book deals with shifts in identity quite frequently. One of Michelle Obama’s first shifts in how she saw herself and understood the way others saw her was when she left Chicago to attend school at Princeton. How did this change in her life affect the way she saw herself and others? How do you feel about the way Michelle Obama responded to those changes?
- Obviously, a significant moment in the memoir is when Michelle Obama meets her future husband (and future president) Barack Obama. What did you think of her first impressions of Obama? How did her opinions of him change as they got to know each other? What did you learn about their relationship from this memoir that you didn’t know before?
- Throughout the novel, Michelle Obama covers difficult topics honestly and effectively. One of the most difficult topics for anyone to cover is grief. Everyone’s grief is different, and it can be hard to articulate those feelings. Obama writes, “It hurts to live after someone has died. It just does. It can hurt to walk down a hallway or open the fridge. It hurts to put on a pair of socks, to brush your teeth. Food tastes like nothing. Colors go flat. Music hurts, and so do memories. You look at something you’d otherwise find beautiful—a purple sky at sunset or a playground full of kids—and it only somehow deepens the loss. Grief is so lonely this way.” Do you identify with this assessment of grief? Or have your experiences been different?
- Another difficult topic Michelle Obama covers frankly is her personal struggles with infertility and motherhood. How did her journey to motherhood affect her identity, her priorities, and her goals?
- Were you at all surprised by Michelle Obama’s reaction to her husband running for president? What do you think about Michelle Obama’s stance on her husband’s politics and his political career in general? Do you think her opinions changed at all during the course of Obama’s presidency, or do they generally seem to be the same?
- Michelle Obama has had to contend with racism her entire life. But the racism she faced became a lot more public and arguable more heated when Obama began running for president. From the “terrorist fist jab” comments to being referred to as “Obama’s Baby Mama,” Michelle Obama has had to deal with a lot of racist remarks mixed in with the usual public scrutiny that most people (especially women) in the public eye receive. Were you surprised by any of the criticisms launched at Michelle Obama, racist or otherwise? How do you feel about the way Michelle Obama handles these remarks?
- Towards the end of the book, Michelle Obama reflects on leaving the White House and handing it over to Donald Trump. What are Obama’s opinions about the Donald Trump presidency? Do you agree or disagree with her stance?
- In the epilogue, Michelle Obama writes, “I’ve never been a fan of politics, and my experience over the last ten years has done little to change that.” It’s clear throughout the book that this is Michelle Obama’s opinion on politics. Were you surprised by this at all? Why do you think she feels this way?
- One of the words most often used to describe this memoir is “inspirational.” Do you think that is a fair description? What about Michelle Obama’s story was particularly inspirational to you?
Book References:
- Dreams from My Father by Barack Obama
- Dick and Jane
- What to Expect When You’re Expecting by Heidi Murkoff , Sharon Mazel
- Harry Potter by J.K. Rowlings
- Audacity of Hope by Barack Obama
Good Quotes:
- First Line: When I was a kid, my aspirations were simple
- Last Line: This, for me, is how we become.
- Decline can be a hard thing to measure, especially when you’re in the midst of it. Chp 2
- Time, as far as my father was concerned, was a gift you gave to other people. Chp 3
- Failure is a feeling long before it becomes an actual result. Chp 4
- Do we settle for the world as it is, or do we work for the world as it should be? Barack Obama
- We live in the paradigms we know. Chp 14
- Becoming me
- Becoming us
- Becoming more.
References:
- Author's Web Site
- Wikipedia-Book
- Wikipedia-Author
- Amazon-Book
- Amazon-Author
- Barnes and Noble
- GoodReads-Book
- GoodReads-Author
- USA Today - more about her journal which came out in 2019
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