Sunday, August 28, 2022

Rules of Civility and Decent Behaviour In Company and Conversation


Book: Rules of Civility and Decent Behaviour In Company and Conversation
Basic Information : Synopsis :  Expectations : Thoughts : Evaluation : Book Group :: Good Quotes : References

Basic Information:

Author: George Washington

Edition: Web Page: George Washington’s Papers

Publisher: Mount Vernon Ladies Association of the Union, Library

ISBN: 9781557091031 (ISBN10: 155709103X)

Start Date: August 15, 2022

Read Date: August 15, 2022

30 pages

Genre: History, Personal Growth

Language Warning: None

Rated Overall: 3 out of 5



History: 3 out of 5



Synopsis:

110 rules which George Washington wrote out as a child which formed the framework for how he governed his life.



Expectations:
  • Recommendation: Rules of Civility by Amor Towles uses Washington’s Rules to form his book around.
  • When: August 1, 2022
  • How come do I want to read this book: Curious on what the Washington’s rules were
  • What do I think I will get out of it? A few guidelines.



Thoughts:

From Wikipedia: Most of the rules have been traced to a French etiquette manual written by Jesuits in 1595 entitled "Bienséance de la conversation entre les hommes". As a handwriting exercise in around 1744, Washington merely copied word-for-word Francis Hawkins' translation which was published in England in about 1640.


Richard Brookhiser notes that The rules address moral issues, but they address them indirectly. … They seek to form the inner man (or boy) by shaping the outer.


There are 110 rules, so this is more of a pamphlet than a book. There are booklets which have surrounded the rules with commentary. The rules I quote are from NPR’s modernization of Washington’s rules. Here are some of the rules and my comments.


1. Every action done in company ought to be with some sign of respect to those that are present. 3. Show nothing to your friend that may affright him

In some ways, this is common sense. But we lack so little of that. It seems like we are more into shock than creating a sense of community.

5. If you cough, sneeze, sigh or yawn, do it not loud but privately, and speak not in your yawning, but put your handkerchief or hand before your face and turn aside.

Especially in these COVID days. But a good thing about courtesy.

6. Sleep not when others speak, sit not when others stand, speak not when you should hold your peace, walk not on when others stop.

In others words, if you are with a person, be there all the way. If you cannot be there, then do not start the relationship. You are obviously showing that you do not value the person

11. Shift not yourself in the sight of others, nor gnaw your nails.

For me, especially the gnaw on your nails.

14. Turn not your back to others, especially in speaking; jog not the table or desk on which another reads or writes; lean not upon anyone.

17. Be no flatterer, neither play with any that delight not to be played withal.

Goes back to 6. Respect the person, be honest. Do not try to manipulate, but never inflate the person’s worth. That person’s worth should already be established both in yours and their eyes.

18. Read no letter, books, or papers in company, but when there is a necessity for the doing of it, you must ask leave; come not near the books or writtings of another so as to read them unless desired, or give your opinion of them unasked. Also look not nigh when another is writing a letter.

What should be private, do in private. Give the other person privacy as well.

19. Let your countenance be pleasant but in serious matters somewhat grave.

20. The gestures of the body must be suited to the discourse you are upon.

Your manner should be consistent with the occasion.

33. They that are in dignity or in office have in all places precedency, but whilst they are young, they ought to respect those that are their equals in birth or other qualities, though they have no public charge.

Respect those who are older, who have position, and those who have shown themselves worthy of respect.

35. Let your discourse with men of business be short and comprehensive.

Get to the point.

38. In visiting the sick, do not presently play the physician if you be not knowing therein.

We are so prone to do.

40. Strive not with your superior in argument, but always submit your judgment to others with modesty.

41. Undertake not to teach your equal in the art himself professes; it savors of arrogancy.

Today we have a tendency to think all are equal and consequently we feel free to dispute all.

50. Be not hasty to believe flying reports to the disparagement of any

And this probably means our leaders as well..

56. Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for 'tis better to be alone than in bad company.

Seems like I heard this in proverbs.

58. Let your conversation be without malice or envy, for 'tis a sign of a tractable and commendable nature, and in all causes of passion permit reason to govern.

Today’s climate does not lend to this-either in social discourse or on social media.

73. Think before you speak, pronounce not imperfectly, nor bring out your words too hastily, but orderly and distinctly.

Think before you speak. ANd maybe a second time on my part.

74. When another speaks, be attentive yourself and disturb not the audience. If any hesitate in his words, help him not nor prompt him without desired. Interrupt him not, nor answer him till his speech be ended.

Let a person say what they will. Do not interrupt.

78. Make no comparisons and if any of the company be commended for any brave act of virtue, commend not another for the same.

Let a person stand on their own merit in praise or in criticism.

83. When you deliver a matter do it without passion and with discretion, however mean the person be you do it to.

Let your words speak, not your emotions.

85. In company of those of higher quality than yourself, speak not 'til you are asked a question, then stand upright, put off your hat and answer in few words.

Let those who are knowledgeable speak, do not interrupt, nor offer commentary, particularly if the person knows more than you.

86. In disputes, be not so desirous to overcome as not to give liberty to each one to deliver his opinion and submit to the judgment of the major part, especially if they are judges of the dispute.

The antidote of if I cannot win, I will take my marbles and go home.

88. Be not tedious in discourse, make not many digressions, nor repeat often the same manner of discourse.

Be interesting, be short. Leave a discussion having others want more.

89. Speak not evil of the absent, for it is unjust.

Say what is needed to a person’s face.

103. In company of your betters be not longer in eating than they are. Lay not your arm but only your hand upon the table.

A great many rules on how to eat. In general make sure you are not a slob.

108. When you speak of God or His attributes, let it be seriously and with reverence. Honor and obey your natural parents although they be poor.

Honor God and honor your parents.

109. Let your recreations be manful not sinful.

I think this does not need explanation.

110. Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire called conscience.

Interesting that this would be the last and in some ways the overriding one. In the Rules of Civility, Katey thinks that Tinker has violated this. And in some ways he had. Katey releases him to do this. But in so many ways he was living his life true to what he thought best.


We think conscience is a hindrance. But Washington talks about it as a spark which ignites us. That is something to remember



Evaluation:

 In Amor Towles’ book Rules of Civility he uses George Washington’s Rules as a framework about how gentlemen in a certain segment of life lived. Some of the rules are a bit dated. But most, if we adapted, would make living in our times a better place.


 
Notes from my book group:

Could you live by these rules?


Which rules do you think would most benefit you?


How would your relationships change if you adopted these rules? If others also played by these rules?


How do you want your life to change because you read this book?


Many of these questions are either from or adapted from LitLovers.

Why the title of Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation?

Why do you think Washington wrote down these rules?

What would you ask the author if you had a chance?

What “takeaways” did you have from these rules



Good Quotes:
  • First Line: Every action done in company ought to be with some sign of respect to those that are present.
  • Last Line: Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire called conscience.
  • Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire called conscience. Rule 110

References:

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