Basic Information : Synopsis : Characters : Expectations : Thoughts : Evaluation : Book Group : Book References : Good Quotes : Table of Contents : References
Basic Information:
Author: Terri Roberts
Edition: epub on Libby from the San Francisco Public Library
Publisher: Bethany House Publishers
ISBN: 9780764217326 (ISBN10: 0764217321)
Start Date: May 29, 2023
Read Date: June 4, 2023
240 pages
Genre: Christianity, Personal Growth
Language Warning: None
Rated Overall: 3 out of 5
Religion: Christianity
Religious Quality: 3 out of 5
Christianity-Teaching Quality: 4 out of 5
Synopsis:
Charlie Roberts, the author’s oldest son, kills five Amish girls in their classroom. The Amish comes alongside of the Roberts family, forgiving them and going beyond the words with making sure they had everything they needed.
The story is from Terri Roberts’ point of view, being on the receiving end of forgiveness. She shares her questions, her feelings and how the Amish people showed God’s love.
Cast of Characters:
- Terri Roberts-author, mother of Charlie Roberts
- Charlie Roberts-oldest son of the Roberts family. killer of five Amish girls and wounding of several others
- Chuck Roberts-Terri’s husband. Retired police officer.
- Jake Stoltzfoos-Robert’s land and house was bought from him
- Henry Stoltzfoos-Jake’s son was the Robert’s nearest neighbor
- Chris Stoltzfoos-owned field next to Roberts
- Josh Roberts-second son worked in the oil fields of Louisiana
- Zach Roberts-third son worked in Manhattan
- Jon Roberts-youngest son
- Marie Roberts (Monville)-Charlie’s wife
- Ken&Nadine Welk-Family friends
- Marian Fisher-age 13, asked to be shot first
- Emma Fisher-age 8, wounded, sister of Marian
- Naomi Rose Ebersol, age 7, died
- Ana Mae Stolzfus- age 12, died
- Mary Liz Miller-age 8, died
- Lena Miller-age 7, died
- Rachel Ann Stolzfus-age 8, wounded
- Sarah Ann Stoltsfus-age 8, wounded
- Esther King-age 13, wounded
- Rosanna King-age 6, massive brain injury
- Emma Mae Zook-school teacher of the classroom where the killings happened
- Cheri Lovre-counselor from Oregon, Crisis Management Institute
- Linda Shoemaker-counselor for a local elementary school who was their for all
- Kate Zook-another person who came along side of Roberts
- Recommendation: Jon Jo during a sermon
- When: May 28, 2023
- Date Became Aware of Book: May 28, 2023
- Why do I want to read this book: Pastor was talking about mercy and forgiveness
- What do I think I will get out of it? A good example of forgiveness
Thoughts:
I do not think the book ever answers the question of why did Charlie Roberts kill those girls?
Roberts-I use this to indicate Terri Roberts, versus the rest of the Roberts family.
Roberts worked at a place called the Sights&Sound Theater. This theater produces Christian plays and now films.
Takes place at a town in Pennsylvania called Nickel Mines.
The story seems a bit disjointed. Roberts tells what happens around the time of the shooting, then jumps back to some piece of earlier family history. I think she is trying to give background. But to me it causes the loss of continuity of the story.
To the Amish, non-Amish people are the “English”.
When the Black church Wednesday night meeting was shot up, there was something about several of the people saying they forgave the shooter. At Roof’s trial, several family members of the victims expressed forgiveness and sadness towards Roof. Also this article.
I found it interesting that some of the principles which Desmond Tutu expounded in his book, The Book of Forgiving, is put to flesh through what the Amish did. Things like telling your story, forgiveness brings release, and moving forward.
Foreword Beverly Lewis
Summarizes the issues concerning forgiveness, particularly following the Amish’s bishop in forgiving. Lewis points out that they had to purposefully choose to forgive daily and, in some cases, hour-by-hour.
Prologue
Roberts sets the scene where her family lived in a pretty much idyllic setting. Each family has its small issues, but by and large, it was a great place to live in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania. And then Suddenly I had a new identity: the mother of the Amish schoolhouse shooter. That is the story which Roberts presents-how do you suddenly deal with the notoriety of being the family where your son is a mass murderer? Can you even live in the place which used to be home?
And then the question of, what kind of mother raises a mass murderer?
This is an interesting phrase: To love forward. I cannot say it is a main theme, but it is one which Roberts expands on.
1 The Happening
Roberts has returned from a mission trip to France. Gives a brief description of the family.
Chuck tells Roberts to go to their son’s home immediately a day or two later. She finds out her son killed the girls and that Charlie is dead.
2 Tsunami!
Shock and initial refusal to accept that it was her son who did the shooting. Then it sank in.
Talks about what happened in the school room. Notifying other family members about what happened.
Anger at Charlie. Anger at God.
3 Beginnings
Background. Roberts was born with clubfoot; so was Charlie. A fair amount of pain and suffering to get them corrected. She had always been in Amish country. Family not Amish. But her grandfather was religious, saying his liturgical prayers before he drifted off to sleep.
4 Lancaster
More background on Roberts. But by the end of my school years, my prayers had dwindled to mere formality. It was not that I believed less in God or doubted in any way His existence or sovereignty. It was just that I had other priorities. Life was good, and life was busy. Being busy gets in the way of belief and love of God.
Talks about the first date with Chuck (Charles).
5 Invasion
Back to the day of the shooting. Friends from church or work gather with them. But so was the news gathering in front. Zach’s response was that he was so hurt by Charlie he did not want anything to do with him or his funeral.
Describes Roberts' broken heart over the whole episode. Henry Stoltzfoos who had relatives who died, came over. Instead of anger, he had compassion. His words indicated love and caring and that the Amish did not hold the family responsible.
There is a section with Henry Stoltzfoos’s words. The reason why he went over was a prompting from the Lord. He felt weakness as he approached the house. Instead of talking about how bad Charlie was for the killing, he heard Chuck out and his crying and his sorrow, particularly for the mothers and teachers and children. Henry said that he felt it was not so much Charlie, but that the devil used Charlie to do his evil purposes.
Henry also reassured the family that there was no reason for them to move. Dressed in black, Roberts felt that Henry was their angel in black.
A friend, Betty, noted that What happened today was a tiny slice of your son’s entire life. When your mind goes there, don’t stop. Let it go back further to the thirty-two years of wonderful memories you have. Refocus on those memories, not the events of this day.” A good thing to remember-even something bad to me is a small slice of another’s life also only a small slice of my own life.
6 Charlie
Talks about her husband Chuck. He became a police officer, a profession with a high divorce rate. Four years after getting married Charlie was born-with clubfoot. Talks about the painful process of straightening his limbs. Robert's mother started going to a Neighborhood Bible Study. The change in her mother caused Roberts to start her own study group. Her faith started to grow.
7 Homeschooling
Charlie was not a student, but a worker with his hands. This led to the family withdrawing from the school and doing homeschooling. He homeschooled with his grandmother and came home on weekends. He also loved animals which his grandparents had dogs. His dog got lost and died. Charlie blamed himself.
8 A New Home
Continues on with Charlie’s story. As he grew older, he got jobs. A second dog needed to be put down. They moved one last time into their current house-part of the land her parents had owned. They also switched churches.
9 Choosing Forgiveness
Roberts asked the question: What turned Charlied into a mass killer? He seemed like a loving son who cared for others. In his letter to his wife, he made mention of guilt of molesting some of his cousins. But the police had already investigated these and found they did not exist. Roberts is left with that she had no answers.
The Amish as a group and individuals reached out to the family, particularly Marie, Charlie’s wife, with a message of love and forgiveness. Why was the big question circulating through everybody’s mind? What was it about the Amish lifestyle, belief system, faith that made this possible? … It came down to the God they worshiped, a God of forgiveness and love. I think it is when you go to God for forgiveness, you are given it. Also you are given a model of what forgiveness looks like-Jesus. But there is a command: You are to forgive as you have been forgiven. Jesus talks about this in his parables.
One Amish person explained that Forgiveness is a choice … We choose to forgive.
Their level of forgiveness included sharing the gifts coming in for the Amish families who lost their girls or who had them injured with Marie’s family. Their rationale is that she had also lost a husband and her children a father. One of the fathers phoned up Zach and left a message saying for him to attend his brother’s funeral. Real compassion.
An Amish family member included a statement in Roberts book. The person includes this: What would be worse? Would you rather have lost a child, or have your son have done something like this?
There were stories of self-sacrifice and miracles in the midst of horror.
10 Love and Loss
More background on Charlie. One incident where Charlie got in a car wreck, Roberts prayed for his recovery. Now she was wondering, Why, God, did you answer my prayer? Why did you spare Charlie’s life then only to permit this to happen? If you could reach down to protect my son when that truck flipped, why did you not reach down this time to prevent his vehicle from ever reaching that schoolhouse?
Talked about how Charlie courted Marie. Then the death of their first two daughters. But the joy of the third child-born. Charlie was lacking deep personal friendships.
11 Hurricane
Before the killings, there was turmoil in the family. One son divorced, another without a job, and the third had knee surgery laying him up. Roberts was going to visit him when she found out she had cancer-stage three breast cancer. A friend suggested a living foods diet. Goes through the process which she had. She would try traditional medicine. If that did not work she would do the diet.
12 Calm Waters
More about the breast cancer-life expectancy: 50/50 chance for 5 years. Faith is not faith unless it is tested. Roberts decided to follow this living foods diet. It required her whole hearted commitment. She went through a three week program in San Diego, which started by detoxing her body. In six months she was clean of the cancer according to the medical tests.
She asked why doctors do not recommend this treatment-very few will stick to it.
13 A Garment of Praise
Funerals and remembrances of the victims, both those who died and those who were wounded. Zach came to his brother’s funeral. The pastor showed kindness by doing everything himself rather than having others involved-kept things private.
The news media found out the burial location and date. So they were staked out. The Amish though provided a shield of their bodies to block cameras and others from observing.
And here, Roberts struggles with forgiving her own son. The person whom she loves, but has caused anguish to her, her family and others. She remembers that forgiveness is a choice. If we cannot forgive, how can we be forgiven? From this she chooses to forgive and feels relief, even as the Amish are forgiving her son.
I have never encountered anyone who has better modeled to me the life and character of Jesus Christ than was displayed to us that day by the Amish of Lancaster County.
14 Facing Firsts
Went to church for the first time since the shooting. What would she face? Turned out she faced kindness and caring. Zach noted that in the culture he lived in, forgiveness is not part of it. Talks about how one of Roberts co-workers was an EMT at the scone. She had a hard time emotionally dealing with Roberts at work and eventually quit.
A different EMT talks about his feelings being at the scene and then one of the Amish parents asking how he is doing. The level of caring in that community.
How can things return to being normal so fast?
Sad to know that there are whole institutes created to deal with this kind of trauma. One of the things the counselor told them is that right now when the grief is fresh, tears will come in buckets, but you will never be completely gone from the tears. This has allowed Roberts to be more compassionate towards others.
15 Bart Fire Hall
Chuck and Roberts were asked to come to visit the Millers, parents of two of the girls who were killed. Roberts saw there was pain, but also forgiveness. She felt this was part of their working through their loss.
A counselor had suggested Roberts watch at least one news coverage of the shooting. That way she would not be caught unaware when she saw it in a strange place. She also recognized that she and Chuck healed at a different way and at different rates.
Received cards from Amish folks as well as a book of handwritten correspondence from them. There was a community gathering as well where sorrows could be expressed as well as mutual support.
Cheri Lovre accompanied Roberts to the home of Rosanna King, the 6 year old who was severely wounded and would never recover. Interesting. Roberts was concerned about finding the right words. I am too. I wonder if being there is more important than the words spoken.
The Amish are shown to be much more accepting of events as being part of God’s will than trying to figure it out or being angry towards God. Faith is that God can bring good from evil.
16 A New Normal
Roberts decided to visit each child’s family.
There were a whole string of “firsts” after the killings, or The Happening as the Amish called it. For the first Christmas they decided to get away and go on a Disney cruise.
Roberts shares about each visit.
17 Peace Child
Japanese students came to Lancaster County bringing peace gifts to the Amish students. Roberts was invited as well.
The Amish built a sunroom for the Roberts, a place of peace for her. It also became a place to host family, friends, and her new Amish friends.
18 Moving Forward
Marie, Charlie’s wife, reconnected with an old family friend. They were getting married. Difficult to accept. Particularly so soon after The Happening. When they got married, Marie and her new husband moved a short distance away, but far enough that there would not be instant recognition.
Roberts notes that healing is not done at a steady pace, nor is it always upward. But more like a rollercoaster.
Roberts was asked to speak to a group of Japanese students. She did, but had to learn to pace herself with a translator.
19 Anniversary
Chuck and Teri Roberts sent a letter on the anniversary of The Happening talking about how much the Amish’s friendship has meant to them.
Roberts would scour reports of mass shootings to see if there was something which would unlock why her Charlie did what he did. Like my son, many of the perpetrators had struggled with severe learning disabilities. They were introverts, quiet and withdrawn at times. Most had come from normal, caring homes and had been normal, well-behaved, even affectionate children. She thinks that one thing which would help is if we supported children with learning disabilities more.
The bond of friendship that the Amish had extended to our family had become my greatest comfort as the months went on.
They invited the Amish to come for a picnic and pool party. Realized there are cultural differences. Such as boys do not swim with girls and vice versa. It was enjoyable. Later Roberts invited the girls to a high tea. A good bonding and reconciliation time.
20 Rosanna
More teas, this time including the mothers and well as the children. They shared the highs and lows of last year. Roberts notes Can anything be more precious than time spent with women who’ve endured pain and yet hold eternal hope in their hearts?
The one unique sharing was the mother of Rosanna-the mothers of dead children had other mothers to turn to. The mothers of those who were healing, same. She was unique in that her daughter would not heal.
Roberts volunteered to help with Rosanna at dinner time once a week so the family could eat in peace. This was harder than it sounded. But each week Roberts was able to do more with Rosanna. Over the years Rosanna has improved only a little. Roberts goes back to that first week when Rosanna’s mother said Perhaps God has allowed this for Rosanna to be a constant reminder of that day.
21 A Spacious Place
Each anniversary brought renewed anguish. Then afterwards there was The sweet release of that tension would remind me I’d survived another year. No, I’d surrendered another year.
Her life had now settled into an acceptable routine. But there was still places where she would think how Charlie loved a place and how could he have done what he did? Even these moments started to recede.
Roberts now started to be in demand as a speaker. Her message was forgiveness.
But forgiveness is not automatic, even for the Amish. She was invited to speak in Ohio to an Amish community because they were struggling to forgive how a respected member of their community had murdered his family. The Amish calling the mother of the Nickel Mines schoolhouse gunman to bring healing to other Amish in pain. This could only be described as a miracle of divine grace, love, and forgiveness. One daughter was not in the group. Roberts was encouraged to talk with her. I did so and encouraged her not to shut herself off from family and friends who were reaching out to her. So much of my own healing had come through refusing to shut myself off out of shame for what Charlie had done, but allowing others who’d poured out compassion and help to be part of my life. This is her advise to people who are hurting.
22 The Fifth Anniversary
She said that she had an interview with AP News Service. It is not on their site, but that may be because of the story's age.
There was a symposium at the five year mark where Roberts gave her first interview to the press. The Amish would refuse interviews, but were willing to speak alongside her. She started to get invited to speak internationally in places like Japan and Peru. She and the Amish also were invited to speak after the Newtown murders. The Amish knew her message and when she left out a part, they prompted her to say When you forgive, you don’t get bitter.
23 What Now?
Roberts gives eight life lessons she has learned through this time of trial:
- One: Move Forward-She differentiates between Moving forward” versus “moving on. To her moving on is turning her back on what happened; moving forward is progressing from that point, acknowledging the pain and learning to live.
- Two: Think on These Things-introspection to learn and change vs lingering in the pain
- Three: Practice Forgiveness-releases the pain
- Four: Make Right Choices-Make a choice. As the Amish said, forgiving is a choice.
- Five: Share Your Story With Others-tell the story. First to God, then others as you learn what the story is. This is very much like what Tutu has to say.
- Six: Communicate, Communicate, Communicate-When you see someone n pain, communicate with them. There was a time I worried that I might be seen as interfering. But this isn’t meddling. It’s letting others know you care.
- Seven: Pray With Thanksgiving-there is still goodness in your life. Identify and be thankful
- Eight: Focus on Eternity-Focus on the forever in this life.
Epilogue: A Rainbow Covenant
As she was writing this book she received news that breast cancer had returned. She ends the book with It is well with my soul. I am at peace. I am loved. I am forgiven.
Since the book was written, Terri Roberts has died.
Evaluation:
Blessed are the merciful. That is the text which the sermon was on a couple of weeks ago. In the sermon, it was pointed out that part of being merciful is to forgive. This book, Forgiven, was talked about as an example of what forgiveness is about.
As literature, it is rather plain. It is the story of Terri Roberts told by herself. Her son killed five Amish girls in a shooting and wounded several others. It is a story of being on the receiving end of forgiveness. Even when the killings were just a few hours old, the Amish, both in general and in particular, reached out to Roberts to show that she was forgiven by them. This included the parents of the children who died.
Roberts talks about how lost and guilty she felt when her son killed these girls. She asked the questions of why? There is no resolution in the book. The emphasis is how through the Amish’s gift of forgiveness she was able to start recovering. This is the thrust of the book-how she received the forgiveness and how it worked to make her a new person.
Notes from my book group:
As you read the book, what thoughts do you have about Charlie Roberts? Terri Roberts? The Amish?
What lessons does Terri Roberts bring to our attention throughout the book, and then particularly in Chapter 23?
If your child or someone you love fosters the act of being a mass murderer, what thoughts would you have? Roberts talks about having a new identity. How would that affect who you are? What would be worse? Would you rather have lost a child, or have your son have done something like this?
If someone whom you love is murdered, what are your thoughts towards the murderer? Towards those who are close to the murderer?
Why do the Amish, both individually and as a group, forgive Charlie Roberts (and his whole extended family)? Through this book, do you see them as automatically forgiving or having to work through the pain of loss to forgiveness? What does that say about how they view their Christian faith? What do they mean when they say that Forgiveness is a choice? How did they decide to forgive? What actions did they do to show they had forgiven the Roberts family?
Roberts took on a role of describing the love and forgiveness exhibited in the Amish community. Describe what she does. How do you think the Amish reacted to her taking on this role?
Talk about the nature of being a Christian and forgiving. Where does the need to forgive come from? What examples are we shown?
Roberts uses the phrase To love forward. What does that mean? How do you do that?
If you have read Desmond Tutu's book, The Book of Forgiving, how does Tutu’s approach compliment or differ from what Roberts describe?
How do you want your life to change because you read this book?
Many of these questions are either from or adapted from LitLovers.
Why the title of Forgiveness?
Does this story work as a teaching tool?
Did the ending seem fitting? Satisfying? Predictable?
Which character did you identify with?
Every story has a world view. Were you able to identify this story’s world view? What was it? How did it affect the story?
In what context was religion talked about in this book?
Why do you think the author wrote this book?
What would you ask the author if you had a chance?
What “takeaways” did you have from this book?
What central ideas does the author present?
Describe the culture talked about in the book.
How is the culture described in this book different than where we live?
Does the author examine economics and politics, family traditions, the arts, religious beliefs, language or food?
How did this book affect your view of the world?
Of how God is viewed?
What questions did you ask yourself after reading this book?
Talk about specific passages that struck you as significant—or interesting, profound, amusing, illuminating, disturbing, sad...?
What was memorable?
- One Light Still Shines by Marie Monville
- Charlotte’s Web by E.B. White
- Anne of Green Gablesby L.M. Montgomery
- Amish Grace by Don Kraybill
- The Forgiveness Project by Michael S. Barry
Good Quotes:
- First Line: Picture an idyllic, sun-kissed valley. Fields stretch to the base of a pine-cloaked ridge, a green and yellow patchwork of tall, tasseled corn, drying alfalfa, ripened wheat and barley.
- Last Line: I am forgiven.
- Forgiveness is a choice. Chp 9 Choosing Forgiveness
- Faith is not faith unless it is tested. Chp 12 Calm Waters
- When you forgive, you don’t get bitter. Chp 22 The Fifth Anniversary
- Acknowledgments
- Foreword Beverly Lewis
- Prologue
- 1 The Happening
- 2 Tsunami!
- 3 Beginnings
- 4 Lancaster
- 5 Invasion
- 6 Charlie
- 7 Homeschooling
- 8 A New Home
- 9 Choosing Forgiveness
- 10 Love and Loss
- 11 Hurricane
- 12 Calm Waters
- 13 A Garment of Praise
- 14 Facing Firsts
- 15 Bart Fire Hall
- 16 A New Normal
- 17 Peace Child
- 18 Moving Forward
- 19 Anniversary
- 20 Rosanna
- 21 A Spacious Place
- 22 The Fifth Anniversary
- 23 What Now?
- Epilogue: A Rainbow Covenant
References:
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